Tag Archives: Recipes

A Recipe Request – Turkey Meatballs

Many of you blog readers are aware that we have a Facebook page (and if not, get aware! There’s all sorts of fun chattiness going on there) and today on the page we were discussing meatballs. I’ve been home sick for almost a week (and then today I smashed my toe for extra stuck on the couchness) and so I’ve now seen the Mama Lucia commercial approximately 967 million times.

Aside from the fact that this is an extremely annoying commercial, it got me thinking “are there really people out there buying frozen meatballs?” I posted on facebook that I thought that was insane. This began a debate. Apparently, some people don’t know how to make meatballs, and some do and don’t have time. Nonsense, I say!! It’s a ball of meat. You have time. Seriously.

No time for me? Really?

So for those of you who requested the recipe because you know how but want to see my method, or if you don’t know how, or if you just enjoy reading recipes because you’re one of THOSE weirdos, here you go, this is my awesomely insane meatball recipe.

Ground Meat, about 1lbs! (I use turkey meat. You can do this with beef, but c’mon, give turkey a try. It tastes awesome this way and it’s so much better for you.)
Bread Crumbs (I use seasoned, I’m a spicy gal.)
Eggs (I use that egg starts egg whites stuff that comes in a box because it cuts down the fat and calories and this is basically just glue so it doesn’t matter.)
Shredded Zucchini (this is optional, but highly recommended!
Garlic Powder
Black Pepper
Whatever other spices you find amusing.

Ok, so here’s what you do. You want about a pound of meat and you’ll want to pop it in a bowl. Now, take an onion, I use a big one because I love onions, and the equivalent of an egg (if you’re using the liquid stuff, if you’re using a regular egg, just put in the egg) and put them in a food processor, or a blender if that’s what you’ve got handy. Now add the spices and liquify that mess. It’s going to get kind of frothy. That’s what it’s supposed to do! Once it’s a liquid, pour that on top of the meat in the bowl. If you’re using shredded zucchini (about 2 cups, skin on, is what I tend to use) you’ll want to put that in too (the bowl, not the blender!) Now’s the fun part. Squish! Squish this mess up until it’s all blended. Then, slowly add breadcrumbs until it’s a little bit dense and you can not only roll it up into a ball, but it holds it’s shape. You really have to just commit to getting messy here. I’ve done the gloves route with this but you’re only fooling yourself. A mess is going to happen. Just accept that you won’t be touching your phone for a while and find a good movie on TV and you’ll be just fine. Now, take a plate and make a big circle of these raw meatballs on it around the outer edge. Do it again, just inside that circle. Keep going on this way until you’ve either run out of plate space or meat. If you run out of plate space, get another plate. If you run out of meat, damn, those are some big meatballs! Once you’re done making these fun little meat rugs, pop the plate in the microwave and nuke ’em on high for 3 or 4 minutes. They’re NOT going to be cooked! They’re just going to set somewhat. Give them a minute or two to cool down and drop them into freezer bags. They can live in these bags in your freezer for quite a long time. Yes, they’ll stick together but when you need some just slam the bag down on the counter and they’ll break apart easily! When you’re ready to actually eat them, you’ll put some sauce in a pot, pop in some of these meatballs, cover the pot and simmer over low heat for about 15 minutes. They’ll be awesome. Congrats, you’ve just made dinner for at least a week’s worth of meals and you didn’t have to suffer the shame of being the kind of person who buys frozen meatballs with a bad theme song. You’re welcome.

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A Warm Recipe For A Cold Night – Pumpkin Roll

It’s chilly out, and when it’s cold, I don’t know about you guys, but I get snacky for dessert type things. Thankfully, our good buddy Necro Genic has provided us with this awesome, and seasonally appropriate, recipe for pumpkin roll, yum!


3/4cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
1/4 tsp. salt
3 large eggs
1 cup granulated sugar
2/3 cup long pie pumpkin or nasty canned pumpkin crap

1 pkg. (8 oz.) softened cream cheese
1 cup sifted powdered sugar
6 tbsp. softened butter or margerine
1 tsp. vanilla extract


For cake: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Grease 15 X 10 inch jell-roll pan; line with wax paper. grrease and flour paper. sprinkle a thin cotton kitchen towel with podwered sugar.
Combine: flour baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves and salt in small bowl. Beat eggs and sugar in large mixer bowl until thick. Beat in pumpkin. Stir in flour mixture. Spread evenlyinto prepared pan.
Bake for 13-15 minutes or until top of cake springs back when touched.Immediately loosen and turn cake onto prepared towel. Carefully peel off paper. Roll up cake and towel together starting with narrow end. Cool on wire rack.

For filling: Beat cream cheese, powdered sugar, butter and vanilla extract in small mixer bowl until smooth. Carefully unroll cake, remove towel. Spread cream cheese mixture over cake. Reroll cake. Wrap in plastic wrap and refridgerate atleast one hour. Sprinkle with powdered sugar if you want.

And that’s that! Now get our your measuring cups and get baking! And send us photos! We’d love to see what yours looked like!

Bloody Rotten Brain Bake – A Delicious Halloween Recipe!

Ok, you’ve got me again. This isn’t really called Bloody Rotten Brain Bake. But, I was thinking about it and it kinda *looks* like bloody rotten brains, so, in the spirit of the season, that’s what we’re going to call it, and by it I mean, Baked Spaghetti. One of the greatest food inventions of all time! First, I’m going to give you the old school recipe, and then I’ll give you my little weight watchersish substitutions that’ll make this baby only 5 points per gooey delicious serving.


1 box of spaghetti
1 stick of butter
1 can of tomato sauce
1 block of cheddar cheese, shredded


Cook up your spaghetti in a pot, drain it and put it into a large bowl. Mix it with the sauce and the butter until the butter is fully melted. Next, add  half of your cheese and mix well again. Now, pour all of this into a baking pan. Cover with the rest of the cheese and some aluminum foil and bake in the oven at about 350 for half an hour or so. Take it out of the oven and give it about ten minutes to “set” and there you go. That’s it! You’ll get 8 huge pieces from this recipe. This freezes RIDICULOUSLY well, and goes surprisingly wonderfully with a side of tuna fish and bagels.

Now, lets get serious. This recipe, as shown above is DEADLY for anyone over 25. The adult metabolism doesn’t see this as comfort food, it sees it as belly fat fertilizer. I know this. I have wrestled with this. So, what to do? Make it just as delicious, but a little less deadly. So we take:

1 box of Smart Taste Spaghetti (hero to the waistline conscious, it tastes JUST like regular white flour pasta, but it’s SO much better for you. You can also use whole wheat spaghetti, but, surprise! There are actually MORE calories in the whole wheat and LESS fiber! What the what? I know! It’s crazy but true. The more you knoooow (little shooting star.)

2 Tbsp of Smart Balance Spread (use light or not, or any other reduced fat spread.) It’s funny how all of this stuff has “smart” in the title, when it should be “lard ass butter” and fatty fat fat pasta, but, I’ll take smart, sure, why not. The thing is, a whole stick of butter is INSANE! You don’t really need that, trust me. You’re just looking to lube up the spaghetti, not drown it. Add a pinch of sea salt and you won’t miss it.

1 can of tomato sauce – still the same! A can of tomato sauce never hurt anything except skunk stink!

1 package of reduced fat shredded cheddar cheese be it sargento or whatever, use something made with 2%. You’re going to pay a little more a the checkout and a little less when zipping up your pants. Such is life.

Optionally, pop in some chopped up onions to the mix before the final cheese sprinkle. It’ll add some crunch and flavor and make you feel like you’re not just eating a massive pasta cheese pie, which you are.

Cook it in the exact same method as the unhealthy version and you’re good to go. Gooey brain looking squares of amazing yum.

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What The What? More Zucchini?

Amalthea fun fact #6. Amalthea LOVES food. Maybe loves it a bit too much? That’s what the scale says every spring, when she comes out of winter looking a bit puffy around the edges. To combat this, healthier versions of delicious goodies must be found, and while the Zombie Loaf recipe is just about as healthy as meatloaf gets (sure, you could add ground fiber one instead of breadcrumbs, but it’s not really necessary) the first Zucchini Crab cake recipe could definitely use a little de-fatting. Oh, yes, fried everything is delicious, but there’s good news, this second zucchini crab cake recipe is also REALLY delicious, and it’s baked, so we’ve got less fat AND less mess (I can’t be the only one out there sick of cleaning splattered oil off of her tea pot, can I?)

So here we go, a healthy, easy, SUPER simple zucchini crab cake recipe.

Pre-heat your oven to 350.

Then mix:

2 cups of shredded zucchini (or yellow summer squash if you like)
1 cup  of seasoned bread crumbs
1/4 cup of Egg Starts or any other egg whites faux egg stuff
1 Tbsp fat-free mayonnaise
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1/4 tsp OLD BAY Old Bay Seasoning

Mush all of this together. It’ll take some doing until everything is coated and you may have to add a *tiny* bit more of the egg stuff, but go easy on it, once it does begin to mix, you don’t want everything to be really wet.

Now, take a baking pan, line it with foil and spray it with a non-stick spray. Make 8 patties out of your zucchini goop. They’ll be pretty thick, and you don’t have to worry about spreading, they won’t. Now, give them a little spray on the tops with the non-stick spray and pop them in the oven. After 20 minutes, give them a little pat to flatten a bit (very gently, you’re not angry at them! you’re rewarding them for their future deliciousness) and flip them over. Give them 20 more minutes. They should be slightly golden at the edges after that, but feel free to give them a couple more minutes if need be.

Remove them and serve hot. Be careful, they are absolutely molten on the inside so give them a moment before you take that huge bite. If you want to be evil, you can mix some shredded cheese into the mix before you bake and then you have cheesy crab cakes. If  you leave them as is, and you’re on weight watchers, 4 of these guys is 4.5 points! You’ll be extremely full.

Got your own recipe? Let us know! Did you make this? Leave a comment and give a verdict!

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Yet Another Zucchini Recipe or How To Make A Zombie Loaf

I know, you’re thinking “isn’t this that store with all the weird gothy stuff? My zombie accessory supply house, as it were? What is up with the recipes?” Well, you know what? This is our blog and like to post what we think is useful, whether that’s tips on making your hair dye stop fading so fast or recipes for the abundance of summer squash. We’re wacky that way. So, for today’s tip? Turkey zucchini meatloaf! Too domestic? Call it zombie loaf, now we all win.

You’ll need:

2 cup(s) shredded zucchini (this is about 2-3 medium zucchini, shred it on a cheese grater, it’s fun!*)
12 oz uncooked ground turkey breast (you can use beef or chicken or whatever you like here, but turkey means this isn’t a particularly bad for you dish!)

Put these in a large mixing bowl.

Now take:
1/4 cup(s) onion(s) and about a quarter cup of egg substitute, or one egg put together in a blender or cuisinart along with some salt and pepper and process it until it’s a lovely foamy mess and pour it onto your meaty squashy pile in the bowl.
3/4 cup(s) seasoned bread crumbs and mix it all together well. Use your hands, make sure it’s distributed really evenly. Pretend you’re a zombie. As the cold meat squishes through your fingers, mutter braaaaaains. It makes the goop more bearable.

Now, get out a baking pan (pyrex is our friend) spray it with Pam or some such, and then form your bowl of brains into a loaf and place it in said pain.

Now that you have your loaf, pour:
1/4 cup(s) canned tomato sauce  over the top.

Now take this and bake it at about 375 till it’s cooked through. You’ll know it’s done when juices run clear and the sauce that’s hit the pan is a little charred on the edges. This is a super easy and REALLY good meal. Like, ridiculously good.

Our garden is overflowing with zucchini, so we’ll likely be posting more recipes. Up next, muffins and a new kind of “crab” cake. We’ll try to give them an undead twist, we swear.

*pro-tip: give the leftover ends to your pleco (fish,) he’ll make out with you with joy.

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