I Like Turtles – Update!

This past Sunday, the Attic visited the New York Reptile Show in White Plains, just a few miles away from Amalthea’s Alma Matter. How adorable. No colleges were visited, however MANY animals were cooed over. That’s how we do here in the Attic.

I went in with the goal of returning home with a baby tortoise. I’ve been having a hankering for a tortoise hatchling for quite some time, and this was my moment! I was going to HAVE my turtle.

Let me end the suspense now by saying I did not get my baby tortoise. First of all, tortoise selection was pretty meh. There were a few, and they were indeed cute, but they were a little older than I was hoping for and they were $200 and I just couldn’t reconcile that with my dream of a thumb tip sized creature that would be nearly immortal with my loving care, eating strawberries while saying “om nom nom.” Kind of like this guy with his tomato.

See? Now you want that too. You’re welcome. Oh, I had grand tortoise plans, I tell you. (And before you get all “people shouldn’t just get pets willy nilly because they’re cute, it’s a commitment! blah blah BLAH, I’ll have you know that I’ve now had my first turtle for 26 years and she’s HAPPY AS A CLAM! So, yeah. Take that, downy frownies.

Annnnyway. The place was utterly packed. Body to body reptile nerds and a LOT of snakes. So many snakes that suddenly, you’re thinking to yourself, wow, I haven’t had a snake in a LONG time, maybe I should have a snake again?

That's right, I'm part snake, part egg, got a problem with that? No, I didn't think that you did.

Every one of our eyes was genetically designed for MAXIMUM CUTENESS! DO NOT LOOK AWAY!

Yes, you're the first person to EVER compare me to a baby blanket. Way to go, genius.


Yeah, it’s a tough situation, don’t I know it. Luckily, you start to tell yourself, ug, I don’t really want to clean that and I don’t have the scratch, I’m totally unprepared, and there’s clearly SO MANY snakes out there that it’s not like I can’t change my mind later and boom, you’re snake free. For now. Whew.

Next up are these INSANELY ADORABLE frilled geckos. Holy crap, just look:

I'm my own personal Jimmy Buffet concert.

Awww! But no! I’m not in the gecko market. FOR NOW! There’s all SORTS of crazy stuff. You want a cockroach with a demon’s face on its back? NO PROBLEM!

That's right, I'm the devil. Move along now.

Yeah, it’s like THAT. Cute, but SO stinky. I just don’t dig on bug fumes. NEXT! At this point, my companions and I become distracted by frogs. Budget frogs and pacman frogs and horned frogs and every other kind of frog. We’re so distracted that I have no photos. It’s go time, I have to get CLOSER to the frogs and no lizard nerd will get in my way. There’s no TIME for cameras. There are too many frogs.

Now, we have a break. There’s an all you can eat brunch buffet and if you can’t take time from looking at reptiles to have chocolate cake with bacon and lobster ravioli, well, I’m sorry, but that’s just not a life I want to live.
During lunch, we (my companions and I) discuss. What are we going to do? Are we going to get a frog? Am I going to get a frog out of sheer pet envy? Are we going to see about a chameleon? They’re SO CUTE and fun and pretty but really expensive and ugggg. It’s harsh financial times in the freelancer market at the moment so THAT seems foolish and we leave breakfast about 20,000 calories heavier and with the decision made. No pets. We’ll go home and we’ll THINK about this a bit.

We go BACK to the expo. It’s almost empty now. It’s nicer to walk, but there’s an air of panic! People are cleaning up. Pets are LEAVING. And that’s when it happens. We’re seriously looking at chameleons now, but in the spirit of education, not shopping, when we see it. There’s ONE LAST pair of jackson’s chameleons left from one vendor. We talk to him, and he’s willing to let them go for $70 for the pair! They CAN’T live together! So we EACH have to have a pet! I want the girl! My companions want the boy! It’s almost toooo perfect! We realize that we can periodically bring them together for wild lizard sex parties and sell the babies and become chameleonaires! Why, NOT getting these lizards is suddenly fiscal suicide! It MUST HAPPEN! And so it does.

Meet Madame Mordrid:

I'm a pretty pretty reptile princess!

I've got my eye on you! And the other eye? You'll NEVER KNOW! Ha ha ha ha!

Ignoring my ADORABLE tail for a moment, lets discuss getting that hand stamp off, eh?

So, there you have it. I defy you to leave a $35 jackson’s chameleon that looks like bacon behind. Go ahead. Try it, kids! You can’t. You lose, Sir. So, now I’m high on lizard and I’m walking around with my friends with our lizards and such and we’re heading to the back to buy a cage and this woman says “I have on hermit crab left, you want him?” to her fellow vendor, who doesn’t reeeeally look that interested, so I say “I’ll take him!” and she GIVES HIM TO ME FOR FREE! How cool is that? It was exciting. She was very concerned about his well being and gave me care sheets and told me he was feeling glum and wasn’t being himself so I told her I’d give her an update on him in this very blog. So here’s the update: He’s doing well! The first night, he was alone, and I woke up and he’d made a huge mess in the tank and passed out in his food bowl. My cat finds him deeply upsetting. He likes to hide a LOT. He should have a name by week’s end, I need to get to know him better. In the morning, he got a friend who has far too much energy and too many places to go.

Just last night, this was clean and pretty! Now they've had a frat party in there.

I like to hide in things. Leave me alone!

So, there you have it. They need some climbing sticks, but for now, that huge conch I found in Puerto Rico will do and they can munch on him too, works out well. What did they have for dinner last night? Chicken, cauliflower, banana and some betta food bites. MMMMM. And that messy upper left bowl is sea salt. They also have some sand dollars. I live near the beach, they get fun things. So I want to give a big THANK YOU! to the lady from White Mountain Reptiles! For info, click that link and give them a like on Facebook! They deserve it. They’re super nice people and My crab buddy seems to be doing well. Living next to Madame Mordrid, who wouldn’t?

Update! The hermit crabs now have names! The crab from White Mountain Reptiles is Named Brooks. He’s institutionalized and likes jail, thank you. He’s also coming out of his shell a bit more now. His little buddy, who has now made 3 prison escape attempts by climbing up GLASS? He’s Wentworth. So there it is. Happy crabs, happy lizard, successful expo. We suggest you go to one in your area.

Back to the Attic

2 thoughts on “I Like Turtles – Update!

  1. Brian

    Interesting post. Years back I used to keep quite an assortment of herps. Boy you sure got a sweet deal on that pair of Jackson’s chameleons! I hop all your scaly friends are doing well ; )

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